381. Storm


Over the past two days, I have watched a couple of DC direct to DVD animated movies. I watched Flashpoint Paradox and War. And, pretty much everything that I dislike about the modern state of the DC Comic Universe is front and center on both of the movies. However, I also watched the Target exclusive Trapped in Time animated movie and was delighted with it. It was a ton of fun.

I also watched the 80s barbarian movie Gor last night. It’s pretty much a rip off of Conan and John Carter, but if it was terrible and from the 80s. The lead barbarian chick was pretty hot, though. Arnold Voosloo appeared for about a minute, Oliver Reed was the bad guy and according to the credits, Jack Palance was in it, but I didn’t see him. The lead actor’s name was Urbano Barbarini, which is pretty fucking awesome.

380. Spider-Man


The Ultimate/Miles Morales variety. Still a fine book, if not completely dragged down by Marvel not having any clue what to do with the Ultimate line of comics. Hopefully the upcoming relaunch helps stabilize some stuff.

Last night, in my crushing loneliness, I was looking for a completely insane and gory horror movie in the vein of Martyrs or Inside. I wound up watching the British political comedy In the Loop instead. It was pretty great, and I’m definitely going to be checking out the TV series The Thick of It of which the movie is an extension of.

I watched the RoboCop remake today. Y’know, I was 9 when the original RoboCop came out. Back then, I didn’t think or care about the satire or comedic aspects of that movie. All I cared about was a giant fucking Robotic Police Officer fuckin’ shit up. All I cared about was that it was fucking bad-ass and violent and just absolute brain candy to a kid like me. The original absolutely still holds up, and yes, I can appreciate the subtext and satire of it. So the new RoboCop movie. It’s not satirical, it’s not a dark comedy, and it certainly isn’t as insanely violent and over the top. There are some interesting themes explored, but ultimately, when it comes down to it, I just want to a Cop who is also a Robot, doing Robot Cop stuff. And that’s what I got. It’s not a perfect movie, and it could be about 20 minutes shorter, but it was highly enjoyable and entertaining and full of great actors. I would like to see a sequel.

379. Icon


Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day! I love it! I love myself! I love everything!

Fuck.

378. Green Lantern


I didn’t have time to ink this at all. Sorry. I’ve said it before, John Stewart is my 3rd favorite Lantern, behind Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner respectively. Hal Jordan, you’re damn near the bottom.

377. Static Shock


I never read any of the comics, but I did enjoy the cartoon quite a bit, and the couple cameos he made in the Justice League ‘toon.

I’ve seen some movies.

The Lego Movie was fantastic and I can’t recommend it enough. I don’t want to talk much about it because it should just be experienced. I will say it features my favorite movie Batman ever.

Her. To be reviewed on Gutter Trash soon.

Cropsey is a documentary about an alleged child killer from Staten Island, New York. It was just okay.

The Asphyx has a fascinating plot, but slow 70s & Hammer-style pacing kinda kills it. It’s about a man in Victorian England who discovers a creature that appears whenever a person nears death, and theorizes that if you can capture it, that person would be immortal. It’d be neat to see a remake.

376. Black Goliath


Only thing I know about this character was that he was Hank Pym’s assistant, and was also once known as Giant Man, or just Goliath. Also that his costume is ridiculous and I love it, but there was one that was even more ridiculous than this. And finally, that he was killed when Thor’s clone blasted a hole in his chest during Civil War because M*rk M*ll*r definitely might probably be a racist, maybe.

The Salon

I wrote this last week and posted it on my other blog from Canada that you don’t know about and have never met.
***
I’m losing my neighbor today.

This is kind of a big deal.

One year ago, my mom had spinal surgery to replace a disc in her neck. It was getting to the point that she was in constant pain and could barely stand. For 40 years, she has been a hair stylist, and she had no intention of stopping. So she got the surgery, took 4 months off work and recovered.

Next week she will turn 68.

Today, she is opening her salon for the final time.

For 37 years she has been in this particular location. For a while in the late 70s, she had a second location but sold it after a few years. Probably had something to do with me? But she stayed at her main location and in turn had a client list that has remained loyal to her for the past 4 decades.

As a child, I was practically raised at that salon. I remember spending at least every Saturday there for a very long time. Her customers would buy me Christmas presents. Her landlord would take me to lunch. My very first “job” was helping my mom clean the shop.

I have paid for a haircut exactly once in my life. The only other time my mom closed the shop was back in 1996 when she shattered her wrist while on vacation in her home island of Puerto Rico. I was with her when it happened. She took a misstep on a sidewalk and went down, throwing her arms out to catch her fall. We were walking in Old San Juan to the fort, El Morro. We did not go the fort. I wrapped her arm in a wet rag and we took the shuttle back to our hotel. My dad was out golfing with my uncle. When they got back, he took my mom to a hospital in San Juan during some sort of parade, so they were gone something like 6 hours. Puerto Ricans are a very festive people. When we got back to Ohio, she discovered the extent of the damage to her wrist and needed immediate surgery and lived for 4 months or so with a giant contraption sticking out of her arm. Other than that and her neck surgery last year, she went to work every day, even while sick. But during that time in ‘96, I needed a haircut, so I went to a Supercuts or something like that. It was weird.

Even when those two breaks came, her customers all came back to her. Sure they went other places during those months, but they were eager for my mom to return to style their hair every week. I should say this, and it may sound mean, but the median age of my mom’s customers – even when I was a kid – was about 137 years old. Her customers are elderly, is what I’m saying. But they are loyal, even in death. More than a few of them have asked her – in the event of their passing – that my mom do their hair for their funerals.

And she has. Numerous times (she also has said, sometimes it’s better when they’re dead because they don’t move or talk or complain). Apparently, that is also a very well-paying job, hair stylist to the dead.

But she and my dad have decided that as she – and her customers – are getting older, it’s time to close the shop. Part of it is a liability thing. Her shop is upstairs, with no handicap access. More often than not, her customers use canes and walkers to get around. Just last year, she watched a customer fall over the handrails on her steps down to the parking lot below. Thankfully, she was unhurt, but still – it’s not a thing you want to see happen as a human being, let alone as a small business owner.

One time, my ex-girlfriend and I were going to visit her and saw a man crawling on the sidewalk, slowly. He had MS, but refused to use his cane, walker, or wheelchair. We asked if he wanted help, and he did. So my girlfriend and I lifted him to his feet and helped him up the stairs, where his wife was waiting in the shop.

But while the shop is closing, my mom is not retiring. In a stroke of luck that I hope I have when I inevitably look for a new job, my mom got an instant interview at the very first place she turned in a resumé, and a week later had a job offer. She will be the stylist at a senior community near her home. She pays no rent, sets her own hours and prices. She has decided that she will work two days a week. She starts next Thursday, but already residents have been trying to make appointments.

For 37 years she has owned and operated her shop from the same location. For my entire life, that shop has been a part of our family. I was practically raised there before I started going to school. I spent my weekends there until I was in the fourth grade or so. Even then, before I got a real job in high school, I’d go there on Sundays to clean. When I went to college, I would eat there during my lunchbreaks. And finally, when I moved out of my parent’s house I moved to the apartment next door to the shop, where I have lived for the past 14 years (the rent is cheap and the place is big).

So I’m losing my neighbor. More than that really. I am losing a significant part of my life. I spent a lot of time in that shop. Even as an adult, before Netflix, etc. I would go over there and watch TV (she had cable, and then eventually Direct TV) at night, I would bum cleaning supplies and snacks and things. I even once helped my girlfriend color her hair using the equipment in the shop. But also, it was just good knowing that on the other side of the wall was my mom, and anytime I wanted, I could just go over and say “hi”, get a hug when feeling down, borrow money when feeling broke, get a haircut when feeling like a dirty hippie (the past couple years, I’ve taken to shaving my head on occasion. She won’t do it, so I’d sneak over at night and do it myself using her tools).

I’ll still see my mom, of course. I go to the house at least once a week. But there’s a new emptiness now, knowing I’ll never see her car in her parking spot again, never having her customers reminisce about how little I was when I was a kid (I was never little, it’s a damn lie) and watching them all graciously thank her for making them feel beautiful for another week, providing conversation and friendship.

Goodbye, Olga’s Hair Boutique.

375. Angel


The second Angel, from Grant Morrison’s run on X-Men, played by Zoe Kravitz in X-Men: First Class, and one of the weakest parts of an otherwise excellent movie.

374. Night Thrasher


I dunno a thing about this character. Skateboard! 90s!

373. Cyborg


My list for this month is a little Marvel-heavy, so I’m trying to break it up with other characters when I can. Cyborg was a character I first “found” from the Super Powers cartoon back in my childhood. I always liked him, Firestorm too. Eventually I discovered Wolfman & Perez’s TEEN TITANS and continued to enjoy him as a character. The less said about Cyborg in the New 52 and as a member of The Justice League is for the best. I think you can guess which version I prefer.

DC Comics. Ruining everything since 2011.