369. Black Panther

369. Black Panther
I’ve talked about my weird admiration of Black Panther before, I think. This also makes the 6th time I’ve drawn him for the blog. Anyhoo. If Marvel is reading, when you make the movie: A) Wakanda is a high-tech utopia & the most advanced civilization on Earth. No straw huts, loincloths or spears, please. B) Chiwetel Ejiofor. Accept no subsitutes.

Also, Day 369 was when Sketch-A-Day 1.0 ended two years ago. Because “69”. My brother! Up top!

368. Shadowman

368. Shadowman
Having recently read an old Valiant comic for Gutter Trash, I got some Valiant on the brains. If you choose to believe the wikipedia page, Shadowman is the mostest popular character in the history of all comic books from all time. I get that he was indeed popular, enough to launch a video game franchise (is two a franchise?) and have a reboot from Garth Ennis and Ashley Wood. But seriously? Shadowman Day in New Orleans? Really? Someone’s fucking with me.

He does have a nicely designed chest emblem, though.

367. War Machine

367. War Machine
James “Rhodey” Rhodes. I just read his wikipedia page and now my head and heart hurt. Anyway, I think he’s now the Iron Patriot in the comics as well as the movies, but to me, he’ll always be War Machine. Mostly because that is also the name of the last good KISS song.

366. Luke Cage

366. Luke Cage
So yeah. Hi.

Thus begins Year Two of The Sketch-A-Day 2.0.

February is going to be a theme month, coinciding with Black History Month. I am going to draw 27 black superheroes and 1 non-superhero. I was initially going to include black supervillains, but much like Marvel and DC, I am too afraid to present any black characters as villains. So yeah, I’ve already got my list of characters, and I apologize if your favorite one won’t be included, but if at the end of the month I didn’t get to them, let me know and I’m more than happy to draw any character any other time. Some will be traditional representations, some will be redesigns like this here Luke Cage. Sorta. He sorta works as a “costumeless” superhero, but y’know, you hang with the Avengers, you should have a costume. I’m looking forward to Marvel’s Netflix series, I hope it’ll be good. I also hope they choose Aldis Hodge to play him, mostly ‘cuz that guy is awesome on the show “Leverage”.

Last night, I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time. Ever. Well, I’d seen parts of it before. Basically the first and last 20 minutes. Multiple times. But never the rest or in one sitting. It was screened as part of a thing called Nite Owl Theatre starring Fritz the Nite Owl, a horror host from Columbus, OH. Once a month, he presents some classic film (uncut, unedited) with host segments spliced in and vintage commercials. Even for a first time viewing experience, it was pretty awesome. If you’re in Columbus or Dayton, check out the site for upcoming shows. Next up is Labyrinth. But oh, Raiders was pretty good. I can see why people are into it (it is also no better or worse than the other three).

365. Goodbye Hello

365. Goodbye Hello
And with this, we have the end of Sketch-A-Day 2.0.

Year One.

Tomorrow begins Sketch-A-Day 2.0 Year Two. This time, I carry guns.

So, yeah, I’m not ending the Sketch-A-Day blog. Probably ever. I haven’t decided if I want to continue the numbering or renumber the posts starting from “1”. Maybe even a 1.1, or a 0.5.AU.INF.INH.

I’ll probably continue the numbering. As a long time comic book fan, nothing felt quite like jumping into a book that had 300 previous issues I could jump into and explore. God, I hate comic renumbering, and so does a friend of mine.

It’s been a rough year, personally. My mom had spinal surgery, my dad got cancer and I spiralled deeper into a depression that I honestly can’t see myself getting out of. My parents are both okay now – Mom’s new spine is working out and Dad is cancer-free at the moment, but I am… I dunno.

I used to not think about suicide so much.

I’m of the belief that people who commit suicide are selfish, hurtful people who don’t deserve sympathy or empathy. Their loved ones yes, but the actual person – no. They lost that right the minute they took themselves off the playing field.

And yet I can’t stop thinking about it. My heart and my soul are just… crushed. I am trying so desperately to not think about killing myself, it kind of becomes the only thing I think about at moments. I don’t want to be the selfish asshole that does it, but let’s face it: I’m a selfish asshole. There’s no victory or solace in it. Not that I’m looking for that. I’m not looking for pity and I don’t want it. This is my blog and I can try to empty my brain and maybe by typing this out, I’ll feel better? I don’t know. I guess I just kind of want my situation – whatever that is – to be over. I just want it to be over. And so I struggle on, everyday thinking about suiciding myself whenever an opportune – or inopportune – moment arises. I’m just so goddamn tired. I’m tired of me, of being me, of being in my life; I’m tired of being sad, alone, unloved, heartbroken and soul-crushed. There are days where I just start crying for no discernable reason. It’s getting harder to hide it in public or around others. It is consuming me and I am beginning to no longer care about anything at all, and that’s what scares me the most. Because if I stop caring, what’s to stop me?

So yeah. I got a case of the “Mondays”. I’ll get over it.

I need help, but it doesn’t exist. I can’t afford therapy or medication, I can’t even afford to force myself to be social, and even when I do I sit in a corner quietly hoping no one will talk to me and wishing I was home, alone. And then upset that I’m so goddamn alone and all I want to do is just stop everything.

I’m just in a “funk”.

I am useless and unloved. And yet I continue on, pretending everything’s okay and that this will all blow over. I don’t want your words of pity, I don’t want you to tell me it’ll all be okay, just chin up!

Because you’re wrong.

But I’ll meekly smile, nod and shrug and mumble a “yeah, you’re right.” Because that’s what you and I both need me to hear.

But you’re so wrong.

But.

I won’t be committing suicide anytime soon, because as much of an attention-seeking selfish asshole as I am, I am also a coward and for some reason, struggling to maintain that last bit of optimism and hope. It is fading fast, though, and yet I will continue to struggle.

I will continue.

Comments will be turned off on this post. Any comments referring to this post will deleted and unanswered. This is my blog. If I cannot indulge in my problems here, then where? You can’t answer that. See the beginning to this paragraph.

I will continue.

Tomorrow, I will post a sketch, beginning Year Two of the Sketch-A-Day 2.0 – Year Two of an indeterminate amount of years.

I will continue.

364. Marshall Manhunter

364. Marshall Manhunter

363. John Lantern

363. John Lantern

362. Wendy Woman

362. Wendy Woman
I am still terrible at drawing her.

361

361

360. Lex Luthor

360. Lex Luthor