Hawkgirl (30)

I’m old today. This is definitely not where I saw myself at the age of 30. 2008 has been a definite shit year for me, mostly of my own design. The comic thing is still a definite goal for me, but I work slowly. I want my projects to mean something personally to me. I no longer have the dreams of being a big superhero artist or writer. I would be perfectly content never having anything published by Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, Image, etc. I still love doodling and sketching all those big heroic characters, but the stories I need to tell need to be smaller, and need to be mine. The goal isn’t fame and fortune in a dying industry, but rather longevity. Something that can sit on a bookshelf, something long-form. Nothing I do will be amazing. My genetic make-up won’t allow me to be amazing, or allow anyone to tell me that it’s amazing. But whatever I do, will be a labor of love for me, and me alone. It’s taken me a very long time to come to that conclusion, and I’m ready to face it.

Meanwhile, as I enter into my third decade, fallen out with two people I used to consider my closest friends, I’m still struggling to not completely shut myself off from the outside world. The biggest regrets in my life for the past 10 years all happened in this past year, but, it also helped me focus I think. I hope that someday I’ll be able to reconcile with the people that I wronged, but that’ll take time, and despite being what I officially consider old, I don’t I’m yet mature enough to deal with that. After all, I still love comics.

I’m still here.
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