Today I enter my late 30s. The last four months have been the worst of my life. Happy birthday to me, I guess. Really not much to live for or anything in which to look forward. But I guess I’ll keep pretending otherwise since “it’ll get better” aka the greatest lie everyone has told me throughout my previous 36 years alive. I guess when everything has just gotten progressively worse, I tend to find that pat, cliche response to be the most rancid bullshit ever spewed at me. But who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll win the lottery or get murdered, and then everything will get better for me.
I’d also like to propose that anyone with depression be allowed a free pass to assault anyone who says the aforementioned “it’ll get better” or “it’s okay to feel that way”. Guess what? I know it’s okay to feel that way. The problem is THAT I’M FUCKING TIRED OF ONLY FEELING THAT WAY ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME!! I just want to feel anything else. Fuck you. When I kill myself, I hope I take you down with me.