192. Wolverine (37)

Today I enter my late 30s. The last four months have been the worst of my life. Happy birthday to me, I guess. Really not much to live for or anything in which to look forward. But I guess I’ll keep pretending otherwise since “it’ll get better” aka the greatest lie everyone has told me throughout my previous 36 years alive. I guess when everything has just gotten progressively worse, I tend to find that pat, cliche response to be the most rancid bullshit ever spewed at me. But who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll win the lottery or get murdered, and then everything will get better for me.
I’d also like to propose that anyone with depression be allowed a free pass to assault anyone who says the aforementioned “it’ll get better” or “it’s okay to feel that way”. Guess what? I know it’s okay to feel that way. The problem is THAT I’M FUCKING TIRED OF ONLY FEELING THAT WAY ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME!! I just want to feel anything else. Fuck you. When I kill myself, I hope I take you down with me.

1 comment

    • JJ on August 11, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    Just think of all the good shit you will miss when you’re gone. I think I would miss an ice cold drink on a burning hot day. Or food man. It’s so good when you’re hungry.
    And then there are the great ideas that will never be written down or drawn.
    Those little pleasures keep us going until it really does get better. Hell yes it does get better when we least expect it.
    Force yourself to clean up, brush your teeth and put on fresh clothes. Comb your hair and tell yourself you’re worth it. Worth living and fuck those shitty thoughts – bury them deep in the ground.
    I’m waiting for the good times myself. If I get taken out of this world it won’t be by my own hand. The devil has a fight on his hands if he wants me.
    Anyway, keep on keeping on.

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