135
I wrote a suicide note last night. Posted it on Facebook and then deleted it. I’m probably not going to kill myself, but everyday, I think about it. I’m in a very bad place. I’m trying to seek help. It’s hard, though.
I debated whether I should repost it here. It’s dark, and painful. But the feelings in it are real. It’s what I am going through, and I spend so much time hiding it, it was in a way, cathartic to write.
As I said, I am going to seek help. I am going to get through this.
***
I’m the worst human being alive, but I try so hard not to be. I don’t want to be the worst human being alive, but it just slips out sometimes and I don’t even realize. I want to fix it. I want to be better than this, but I don’t know how, and I don’t know what to do. I ruin everything around me and ruin the people around me in the process, swallowing them up in the undertow of my awfulness. Time and again, there’s only one solution I can think of to stop it from happening. Every single day I think of it. I hate this. I hate everything about me. How long do I need to struggle to keep pretending that I can be better? History repeats itself and I prove over and over again that I just can’t. I’m just so tired of everything, and I just want to stop.
134
Inspiration.
133. Kyle
Third fave Green Lantern. Might be dead now. I dunno. I only buy two DC Comics anymore. Two might be exaggerating.
131. Doctor Fate
More phone paint experimenting. I’ve always been fond of Dr. Fate. Fate and Firestorm were the only two Super Powers action figures I ever owned. I’m guessing that’s where it comes from. I do like magic guys named Doctor Something, though, so, y’know, that too. I remember being at the Hara Arena for a Super Sale with my parents. I think my dad did some work for the Hara Arena back in the day. Anyhoo, I convinced my mom to buy me the Dr. Fate toy. Then I read on the back of the card his name was Kent Nelson. My brother’s name is Kent, and I think at the time, I didn’t know anyone else named Kent. Although, to this day, I can only name three Kents. Nelson, Shonborn and Brockman. So there you go.
130
The Customer Support Team.
127. Fantomah
I wanted to draw a lady character last night, and I also wanted to draw a Golden Age character as well. Ta-dah! The very first female superhero. Read more about her here.