098
Had to spend the evening alone last night. Coulda been dangerous. Made it through. Watched ASS BACKWARD, an okay enough comedy with June Diane Raphael and Casey Wilson. Some parts were fantastic, otherwise, it kinda dragged and the main characters were far too unlikeable. Then in my search for more Broken Lizard stuff, I watched FAT MAN LITTLE BOY, a stand-up special with Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme. It was funny. I enjoyed more of the bullshit/storytelling aspects of it than I did the stand-up aspect. Then I watched the first third of GHOULIES 3: GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE. It’s pretty much what could be expected. In that it was pretty fucking dumb, but then at least some boobs showed up. Then I went to bed. Work today was fine. Apparently the threat level was raised, so for some reason that meant I had to park somewhere else. It apparently also meant the museum had no a/c. Just waiting to hang out with Jason at the moment, watching some ROCKFORD FILES in the interim.
097
On my “Jason Young/Broken Lizard” leg of the “Distraction until Numbness” 2015 World Tour, we watched CLUB DREAD last night. It was fine. Not nearly as funny as BEERFEST or SUPER TROOPERS, and it works fine enough as a slasher movie as long as you don’t think about it for even a second. Gotta say though, Bill Paxton missed his calling as a stoner burn-out Jimmy Buffet-esque singer/songwriter. Still not too late, Paxton! Especially after your role on Agents of SHIELD last year. (Aside… Meh on Season 3 of SHIELD. It’s simply just a thing that exists that I watch with my mom. If it changes timeslot and is not on during my usual parent visit day, I will probably never watch it again. However, Agent Carter, fuck yeah. Bring it on).
096. Luigi
Sorta requested by Matt Brassfield. He actually requested Mario, but as I drew it, it became Luigi by accident.
095
Still heartbroken, still empty. The crying has (mostly) stopped. I actually drew for fun yesterday. This is not what I drew.
094
Spent a few hours awake by myself last night. I did okay. Random things on tv made me cry for no real reason. I watched a movie called WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, in my quest for dumb comedies. It was mostly more dumb than funny, sadly. It’s about a corporate retreat on a tropical island in which Rob Huebel (who I like in numerous things) goes insane and turns things into a “Lord of the Flies” situation. Jean Claude Van Damme fights a tiger. There are your highlights.
If anyone has more dumb comedy recommendations on Netflix, I’m kinda desperate. When you spend most of your time watching horror movies, the algorithim leans more heavily toward one direction than the other.
093
Drawing this actually felt like drawing and not just a daily chore I’ve been forcing myself to do. I still feel every last bit of pain and twistedness in my heart, brain and soul, but have not broken down completely in about a day and a half. Progress? The hardest is part is that through it all, I just want to reach out and comfort her and take her pain into mine so that she won’t go through this too.
I keep myself distracted. My friends… i don’t realize how much they mean to me sometimes. They’ve been fantastic this past week, and I am sure I will drain them of all their goodwill before this is all over.
Dumb movies have helped too. Saw AVENGERS 2, and greatly enjoyed it. Hadn’t planned on seeing it so soon, but again, necessary distractions. I cannot be alone with my thoughts. Also watched BEERFEST, SUPER TROOPERS, and HOT ROD. All ridiculous, hilarious and stupid. Forced my friend to watch some UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT. He enjoyed it, I think.
Tonight and tomorrow, I force the full weight of my sadness onto my parents. They will be unsupportive and unsure, but they will be people in the same room as me.
092
It’s not getting easier. But, it’s not getting worse.
091
Never been one to channel my emotions into my art. With my current state of mind its hard not to, but at the same time, it’s not enough. The recurring theme of “sad monster” seems to be apt though. It will get better, but right now, I am lost in the void, and it seems like it won’t ever end.
090
All I ever wanted to be was a better man and a better artist. I tried, and in some ways succeeded. Thank you for your support and love.