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Revenge of the Video Dead

So, I spent most of October making a comic…

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For 11 years, I have posted something on my birthday. Always art, usually an accompanying text piece about how sad I am. This will be one of those.

Maybe it’s a birthday thing, I dunno. But, the suicidal thoughts came back pretty hard last week. A lot has changed in the last year, but so much has stayed the same or gotten worse. Therapy is officially a bust. Medicine, talk, and “homework” did nothing to help me. Relationships all became strained and to the brink of collapse. Friendships faked and going through motions just to continue to pretend that anything matters. Attempts at reconciling broken relationships – particularly familial – failed. Spectacularly. Loneliness increased and heightened. Financials ruined and I’m grasping at straws. I left my old job and had to take 2 new ones and they don’t even come close to being sustainable, and I was barely holding on with the previous one. The one positive is the decreased anxiety from not having to drive an hour/hour and a half every day or dealing with the shitpile of former coworkers at that nightmare of an old job. Also, I’m losing weight but it’s mostly because I can’t afford to eat some days. And it’s also a good thing I no longer have a long commute because my car is completely falling apart and I’m not sure how much longer it will last.

I’m not sure how much longer I will last.

Every day I think about harming myself, putting myself out of my miserable existence. Every. Day.

Art means nothing. It’s just a thing I do to pass hours. Clearly, trying to make some kind of tertiary income from the work is a pipe dream, and as I’ve learned repeatedly, dreams are meant to die and wither.

This past year I had to give up doing the one thing that brought me fulfillment and joy because people are an absolute fucking chore and ruin everything good.

I’ll never be able to feel love for any other human being ever again. It’s no longer within me. My heart, my soul, my brain, they no longer work the way they’re supposed to. The rewiring I’ve had to do to just… basically function… I had to leave all that stuff out.

I no longer care. About you. About me. About anything.

Goddamn. 4 years ago… fuck. It fucked me up so much, so hard.

I still have nightmares about her.

My one last connection to humanity. To empathy. Love. Gone. 4 years. You think I’d be able to move on by now, and hard as I try, it just won’t go away.

But, as always…

I’m still here.

But I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

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Distorted America

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Batman Beyond

Just a reminder that I have a patreon and you too can get cool things like this if you support it!

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Chick Tract

Guess I can show this off now. My friend JB Sapienza asked if I’d draw a fake Chick Tract cover for Dan Wilder’s new movie. I have long wanted to draw a Chick Tract. This is a pretty awesome approximation, but the brass ring is still a ways away.

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Lounge

I’ll be at Gem City Comic Con starting today. If you’re in breezy Dayton, Ohio, come out and get this brand new print I’m debuting at the show. I’ll be at someone’s table. Maybe.

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Xenomorph

Patreon reward sketch card, just in time for Alien Day. Sign up to support my Patreon page and gitcherself something snazzy like this too.

Also, I’ll be at Gem City Comic Conthis weekend, so if you’re in sunny Dayton, Ohio, come out and get something in person!

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Legion of Super-Heroes vs. The Dark Judges

11×17 commission. Contact me for yours!

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Bob’s Burgers

A few weeks ago I drew this set of sketch cards as a birthday gift for someone, but I didn’t get a chance to scan them. so, a not great camera phone shot of them slightly tweaked in Photoshop is all I can provide.

Gene was the hardest to draw, I’m really proud of how Linda and Tina came out. Bob’s mustache and expression are pretty good. I’ll probably never draw anything more perfect than Louise, though.

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Jigsaw

I finished PUNISHER season 2. It was not bad, just disappointing. Jigsaw being the most disappointing aspect of it. Pretty boy Billy Russo was still kinda pretty. In fact, the scars gave him a rugged, handsome quality. Hell, when Frank was beat up, he looked worse than Jigsaw. So I drew a more comic accurate version.

Imma rewatch PUNISHER WAR ZONE soon to get a good Punisher in my eyes and brain.

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