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For the life of me, I couldn’t tell you why I would ever think of the band Cracker, ever.
So. I love big dumb action movies. The dumber and more ‘splodey they are, the better I like ‘em. But apparently, there is a limit to how dumb a big dumb action movie can get before it’s just a terrible movie. A Good Day to Die Hard not only crossed that line, but shat on it too. I’m not entirely sure how or why, though, because I enjoyed the previous Die Hard movie, which is just as dumb and ridiculous. I think this one just pushes McClane too far into SuperHuman territory, which is the opposite of what a Die Hard movie should be. He’s basically the character from Unbreakable in this, if he got a bad-ass overhaul. Plus, we’re introduced to McClane’s son who’s just as unkillably bad-ass. There’s tension between the two, but no reason for it. It doesn’t help that the two actors have zero chemistry with each other. There’s a key supporting character with a daughter, but unfortunately the two actors there have too much chemistry, and I kept expecting a creepy father/daughter make-out session to reveal some twisty plot twist that they’re not really father and daughter. It was weird. Lessee, McClane keeps saying he’s on vacation (in Russia) even though he is not. I don’t think it was supposed to be a joke that he keeps saying it. At least, not in the way the writer thought it was. Russian characters switch back and forth between speaking Russian and English, even if there are no American characters around. It’s just a big illogical mess with a dumb “Die Hard” title slapped on it. And the two McClanes also spend the entire movie trying to get around a way to make a titular line of dialogue. It’s a just a clunk of shit. I did watch it with my Dad though, so, y’know, Father’s Day.
On the other hand, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is equally as dumb and illogical, but I enjoyed it a lot more. Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton (?) have a lot of charisma and are great as the siblings. This movie is a bunch of fun, visually enticing with some great sets and monsters. It totally knows what it is and doesn’t care. It’s not one thing pretending to be another. Plus, Peter Stormare is in it, and he makes everything better than it should be.
Checked out This is the End. Absolutely hilarious horror movie about friendship.
I watched Friday the 13th Part III while killing time until Hannibal was on. This was the very first Friday the 13th movie I have ever seen (I don’t count Freddy vs. Jason). Last nights episode of Hannibal was far scarier and more intense than F13III ever wished it could be. Hell, in the first five minutes alone, Hannibal trumped Jason.
Not a good movie and I’m pretty sure that if I had seen the first two, it wouldn’t have helped at all. This is the one that introduced “classic” hockey mask Jason to the world. It also had a ton of really forced 1982 3-D scenes. I started with Part III, because Netlfix (3 through 8 are available on streaming).
I’m not sure how there are 11 of these movies out in the world.
Seriously guys, I am better at Spider-Man than anyone. And I am also disappointed in all of your for your lack of support of “Pork Fist”, with the exception of Jason Young who greeted my phone call to him with a rousing “Pork Fist!”. He’s good people, no matter what I’ve said in the past that may contradict that.
Once again, I prove that only I know how to create a truly Superior Spider-Man. This time: catch-phrases. Next time you’re in a fight or need some sort of rallying cry or pep cheer, I dare you to not utter the phrase – as loudly and proudly as possible – “Pork Fist!”
“Fuck Your Thimble” is also still a viable catch-phrase.
So cable wasn’t working for me, so I rented some movies.
Dark Shadows. Just stop it, Tim Burton. You and Johnny Depp need to stop hanging out. Or better yet, just hang out ALL the time, but don’t make movies together anymore. Also for someone who is supposed to be a “visionary” artist and an “original”, he hasn’t made a movie that wasn’t a remake or an adaptation since…? Corpse Bride? Before that? Ed Wood? Only kinda?
Killing Them Softly. Brad Pitt movie about the mafia and hitmen, but mostly it’s about the American economy and way of life and how we’re all fucked. It’s slow and talky, but very good.
The Collection. Sequel to the film “The Collector”, a severely underrated horror movie from the writers of the “Feast” movies. They also did this one, and John Gulagher has a cameo. “The Collection” is fine, pretty much its biggest fault is that it’s not the original – which I recommend. A lot. And yeah, like I said, “The Collection” is fine. Oh, and Bubbles from “The Wire” is in it.
I’m house-sitting/cat-sitting. This is the first time I’ve stayed here since Max (the most awesome cat in the world) died. I miss him. These other two cats are just turds. It’s not the only reason I miss him, but still…
Also, cable television gets worse and worse every time I watch it. Y’know, except for the good stuff. I just watched two episodes of the resurrected “Teen Titans Go”. Who is this for? I get that it’s for kids, but really? Looking back, the superhero cartoons (all the action/adventure cartoons, really) of my childhood are pretty terrible, but they are also still faithful representations of those characters. Stuff like this and “Ultimate Spider-Man” are such dumbed-down drivel, it makes “Superfriends” and “Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends” seem like the audience was being written up to. At least “Teen Titans Go” has some awesome looking Dan Hipp designs going for it.
“Batman: Brave and the Bold” got it absolutely right when it could have gone absolutely so wrong.