Today, my latest contribution to Calamity Jon’s OHOTMU Redux blog went up.
Click here to see the newest piece as well as my past contributions, and while you’re at it, the rest of the site, ‘cuz it’s all great. Don’t be scum.
Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe REDUX EDITION
85. Invisible Woman
Moobies:
The Woman. I was going to say that I’ve seen some of Lucky McKee’s movies. Apparently, though, I’ve seen all of them, except “All Cheerleaders Die” – which was his first film and according to IMDB, getting remade – and “Blue Like You”, a short film. So I guess you could say I’m a fan. His episode of “Masters of Horror” (Sick Girl) was just okay. Red was disappointing, but he left that project while shooting it. May is creepy, sad and brilliant and The Woods is criminally underrated. The Woman is more of a miss than a hit, but it was good. If “good” can be used. A few weeks ago, I watched a movie called Deadgirl which may have been the most misogynist thing I’d ever watched. This comes pretty damn close. Sure, the misogynists are clearly unlikeable creep assholes and are the real villains of this movie (and Deadgirl), but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch. The story is about a man who kidnaps a feral cannibal woman and tries to “civilize” her with the help of his family. Things, obviously, go awry. It’s a solid film. Can’t really recommend it to anyone in general (Kathleen, you may like it).
Team America: World Police. A palette cleanser, of sorts. Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of anything the South Park guys have ever done. I get it, I just don’t like it, I don’t think it’s funny. This was more of the same. I do like the Team America theme song though. Fuck yeah.
Also Hannibal is the best thing on broadcast (antenna) television. Every episode gets better and better and it started out strong.
84
This might be Christopher Lambert.
I watched Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell, an early 70s Hammer Horror film starring Peter Cushing and David Prowse.
Letting that sit for a sec.
Ok. It was good. It’s different than any other Frankenstein movie I’ve seen before. The creature is unique and grotesque, the mood is dark, slow and yet also fun. Plus, I just really like Peter Cushing.
83. Sharzoop!
I should probably go back and read Jerry Ordway’s “Power of Shazam” series.
Tiger Shark
I am humbled again to have a piece for The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Reduxe Edition.
Go look at all their art, and you might accidentally find this piece.
81. Jim Rockford
I’m bad at likenesses. I’ve been watching the first season of THE ROCKFORD FILES for a couple weeks now. I enjoy it a lot, but the episodes have a sameness to them that a lot of older series suffer from (which is why I’ve not been able to watch too many of the old INCREDIBLE HULK episodes). The one thing this show has, though, is Jim Rockford. Such a great character and played perfectly by James Garner. If there was ever a remake, I think Bruce Campbell or Ben Browder would be good choices to play him. Currently Vince Vaughn is attached to a movie version. I dunno about that.
4/21
Abbot & Costello Meet Frankenstein. Enjoyable. Not my favorite old-timey comedy duo.
The Master. To be reviewed on Gutter Trash.
80
Went to see The Lords of Salem, Rob Zombie’s new film. Thanks to Netflix, over the past couple of months I’ve seen somw weird horror movies from the late 60s and the 70s. If I hadn’t, I think I would have been incredibly bored during the movie. Zombie is definitely trying to recreate the feel and structure of a lot of those types of films in which atmosphere and a slow build take precedence over shock and gore. A shell of off-puttiness and bizarro weirdy hoo-hah is the name of the game. So, yes, instead of being incredibly bored, I was simply just bored.
And I like Zombie’s other movies. I enjoyed House of 1000 Corpses, I loved The Devil’s Rejects and I thought his Halloween was better than the original. I have not seen his Halloween II. Oy, but this one. It was like watching a film version of one of his albums if he gave up rock music and became an drone instrumentalist. It even has samples in it. And of course, his wife – who should not be the lead actress in anything.
I think Zombie has a good eye and a good visual style that’s always seemingly changing. I like that all his movies have a different tonal approach and I like that this movie is fairly original compared to all the haunted house or home invasion movies that seem to be flooding the mainstream horror market (I saw two trailers of each example before the movie started). But originality and pretty visuals can only get you so far. There are two likeable characters in this movie, and they have arguably the smallest roles to play in the story – in fact, they are inconsequential. Every other character is a cardboard cutout or just not sympathetic. Or even relatable. When the super-weird hallucinatory stuff starts, I just couldn’t bring myself to give a damn. It was hard enough trying to stay awake.
Also, Meg Foster spends the entire movie naked. And that’s not a thing anyone should see on a Sunday morning.
79
Movies? I seen ’em.
4/19
Witchfinder General. Apparently, it looks like Netflix is getting rid of all Vincent Price movies on May 1st, so I’m watching the ones in my queue, I guess. Like this one. Which was okay. Loosely (very, very, very loosely – like gangbang pornstar loose) based on a true story of a man/con-artist who hunted and killed “witches” in 17th century England. It was okay. I kind of blanked on most of it.
Burnt Offerings. Horror film from the mid 70s, a family moves into a summer rental house and weird stuff happens. It’s got an original premise (honest, but if I say what it is, it gives away “the twist”) but a sluggish pace and it looks terrible.
I also watched two episodes of the brand new Netflix exclusive series Hemlock Grove. What a turd. Bad acting, cheap looking, unoriginal and designed to see how much cliche and “kewl” and weird stuff can be crammed into it without any kind of – well, anything – happening. Also, there’s a werewolf transformation. It’s a lot of CG and cheap and fake looking. 30 some odd years ago, An American Werewolf in London came out and created the best werewolf transformation of all time using only practical effects. Every werewolf movie/show since then has dropped the fucking ball. Fuck you, Hollywood.
4/20
Evil Dead. Saddle up.
I love the original “Evil Dead” movies. “Evil Dead 2” is one of my all time favorite movies. It made me realize horror and comedy – when done well – are great fuck buddies. “Army of Darkness” amps that up. I also still love the original “Evil Dead”. It’s still got a sense of fun, despite being straight horror. It’s horrific, it’s tightly paced and for the manner in which it was made (cheaply, quickly, dirty), it’s innovative and boundary-pushing.
The new remake isn’t. It’s flashy, it’s slick, it’s got a huge budget and doesn’t have a lot of original ideas in its pretty little head. And that is disappointing. The best remakes are the ones where something new is created from the basic premise of the original. Cronenberg’s “The Fly”. The new “Evil Dead” is more interested in paying fan service with clever homages to the original series that spawned it, little winks and nods as it plays out the original film’s plot, but modernised. For everything new it brings to the table, it also brings with it 10 old things, refurbished. It gets distracting and pulls you out of the movie and makes you realize you’re watching a remake of a different movie. I guess if you’ve never seen the original, then you might be fine.
That said, it’s still a really good movie. The scares and tension are genuine, the horror cliches are slightly turned just enough to make them interesting. The acting is solid and the characters are (mostly – there are two who I kept forgetting about until they wandered into a scene) developed enough to make you care about what happens to them. There’s a couple scenes where I flinched and tensed up due to the gore and violence – which is rare for me. Oh, and the effects – practical. Like, 90% practical. And it all looks amazing.
So, yeah. I dunno that it’s a must-see, especially in theatres, but it’s definitely worth a rental. It’s solid.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation. I liked the first one. I thought it dumb fun. I liked the show as a kid, I had the toys. Don’t care that it wasn’t “faithful”. I liked it. That pretty much sums up how I feel about this one. I liked it. Dumb fun, splodey. Although, it is kinda faithful to the comics as far as playing out the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow story. It was a good waste of two hours. In fact, I liked “Retaliation” better. Better action, better story, better cast, better characters.
78
Desperately, I would like to draw a good Wonder Woman piece. There’s something in my head that seems to prevent it from happening. I know what I want her to look like when I draw her, but it never translates. It’s tough, because I want to make her bulky, muscular and still feminine and gorgeous. They way she is usually drawn is not the way I would want to draw her (though current regular-ish artist Cliff Chiang is a great artist). It’s not just one thing about her that eludes me (though her face/head is probably the biggest part I can’t nail down) it’s just… everything. It’s so frustrating. Anyhoo. This is a failed attempt.