151. To Serve Man


I watched this classic episode of Twilight Zone a few weeks ago. I remembered it well enough, but also kept getting it mixed up with The Simpsons parody. One thing I was unprepared for was how stoned and idiotic this advanced cannibalistic (spoilers!) alien race appears. I tried to capture that here, I hope.

Two episodes later was one I had actually never seen before, but had seen The Simpsons parody. It’s the one where a little girl’s bedroom wall becomes a portal into an alternate dimension and her parents try to find a way to bring her back. It was written by Richard Matheson, who – among a ton of fantastic Twilight Zone eps – also wrote I Am Legend. Matheson passed away this past week, so do yourself a favor and track down some stuff he wrote, you won’t be disappointed.

150


So Netflix – which has a history recommending bizarre bullshit with their system – has added a new “feature” called Max. It’s an interactive version of their recommendation system, and as far as I can tell it ups the level of their bullshit to a whole new degree. I decided to try it out. It’s mostly terrible. However, on their third shot at trying to get me to watch a suggestion, it threw out Back to School. Comedian Mike Schmidt was a guest on the Never Not Funny podcast recently and talked a lot about this movie and made me want to rewatch it. So… yay, Netflix?

It’s been years since I’ve seen it. It’s funny enough. There are small moments of absolute genius. I had completely forgotten that Robert Downey Jr. was in it, as well as Johnny from The Karate Kid. It’s fun.

149. Wolverine


I saw Man of Steel last night. I am saving my opinion of it publicly for the next episode of The Stupid Sexy Podcast.

148. Dr. Strange

147


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146. Blue Beetle


Last night, I worked a shift at my local comic shop.

Sorta.

I used to work there, about 12 years ago. I used to shop there until about a year ago. I still maintain a pull list there. It contains two Strangers in Paradise trades and the Captain Nemo/League of Extraordinary Gentleman spinoff graphic novel. The actual list consists of Mind MGMT, Aliens vs. Parker and Five Ghosts – the latter of which needs to get scratched off the card. I also pull random things that I either missed when I fill out my normal order through my current service (like the first issue of Snapshot or stuff that I just jumped on to that will still be a few months before I can add it to my normal order (like the aforementioned Five Ghosts, or a Captain Marvel).

Anyway, my friend Brian is in town for a few days and staying with my other friend Jason – the manager of the local comic shop (which is more of a Magic: The Gathering shop). Jason had to work last night and invited me to hang out at the shop, where Brian was meeting him. On Tuesday nights, after the store closes, they put out the new comics for Wednesday morning and pull the books for all the file customers. I wasn’t just going around while that happened. There’s nothing better than fresh comics. I wanted in. So, I helped count and organize the books and helped pull the books for the file customers.

It was fun, but also kind of sad.

I pulled the books for about three boxes of worth of customers. I got no beef with Marvel & DC, for the most part. Read what you like. I certainly do. But the amount of people I saw with absolutely no indie or creator-owned comics kinda broke my heart. And I found the ones that only had TV show adaptations to be even more sad. OThe guys with only indie and creator-owned books that hadn’t been made in years kinda cheered me up in an even sadder way.

Still it was fun hanging out with my friends and working with comics. And drinking.

I got paid with a reprint book of old Chris Claremont/John Byrne Starlord comics called The Hollow Crown. Seems worth it.

145


I was super excited about seeing Stoker. I tried to go see it at the theater, but was short of cash (as I usually am – I am catching up on the ones on my plate and will gladly accept more Commissions and you can click on my Amazon link and buy whatever you like at no extra charge and it will help me out) the day that it played at The Neon.

I didn’t know a thing about it other than it’s the first English language film by Chan-wook Park, the director of – among other things – The Vengeance Trilogy (the super-underrated Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Lady Vengeance, and the just as excellent as you’ve always heard Oldboy. I was on board no matter what.

It’s so good. It’s about a young girl learning some life lessons after her wacky uncle moves in. So, it’s a lot like Uncle Buck, really.

It’s beautiful and tense and disturbing and restrained all at the same time. The two leads are absolutely fantastic to watch and are able to completely draw you in at the same time repel you and make you feel dirty. Matthew Goode (Ozymandias from Watchmen) is charismatically off-putting. His role is complex and he pulls it off effortlessly. Mia Wasikowska is absolutely great. I’ve never seen or heard of her before, but she’s awesome in this. I was shocked to learn that the script was by Wentworth Miller, aka the guy with the full body tattoo of a prison layout from the show Prison Break, and one Resident Evil movie that wasn’t Milla Jovovich. It’s very smart and sharply written and shares a lot of the themes found in Park’s other films.

The only real weak link in this film is Nicole Kidman. Her face, actually. It doesn’t move. She expresses no emotion, but not for lack of trying. She’s so plastic-y and botoxed-up that she can literally no longer do the thing she gets paid to do. But that only explains away part of why she’s so terrible in this.

144


Once again, I was house/cat-sitting for my folks. Once again, cable TV only disappoints. At least the next time I housesit (a couple weeks from now), it’ll be for a whole week, so I can bring my Netflix delivery system (PS3).

I did wind up watching a fairly decent movie on the SyFy (ugh) Channel called My Soul to Take, a Wes Craven movie from a few years ago that got horrible reviews. But I enjoyed it. I also caught about 40 minutes of The House Bunny aka Boobs: The Movie. It was on and there were boobs. I watched part of an episode of ALF, the last half hour of The Karate Kid III (in which I realized I’d never actually seen that one) and ultimately, the newest episode of The Venture Bros. which sort of made it all worthwhile.

I did read Superman Unchained, though. It was okay. I don’t know what I was hoping for. I think it was the art that kept me from enjoying it fully. I’m not a fan of Jim Lee’s work, and this comic was pretty much a showcase of all things that I kinda find repugnant about it. Especially the ridiculous four-page fold-out poster panel. Both sides are just a blurry mess of lines and “kewl”. And once I removed the glue that held the pages together to unfold this unseemly mess, I was pretty much too exhausted to be impressed by whatever it was Jim Lee thought he was drawing to try to impress me that warranted a four-page fold-out poster panel. Again – it was mostly just scratchy lines and words that I couldn’t read because they were hidden by the piece of cardstock that the four-page fold-out poster panel was glued to in order to hold the thing in the book.

Also, I guess I was really hoping this was going to be an adaptation of Django Unchained starring Superman.

And Superman still doesn’t look right with a high-collar and armored glowy lines and without red undies and the cape that attaches to nothing.

You know what? Fuck this book.

143


So this is a thing I’ve never done here.

I’ve listened to the new Black Sabbath album – “13” – a couple times. It’s the reunion album of Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Ozzy Osbourne, their first full album of new material in over 30 years. They’ve reunited a few times in the past, and on their 1999 (?!) live album, there were two brand new tracks, which were just okay. Since then, Iommi and Butler reunited with the late former Sabbath frontman Ronnie James Dio as Heaven and Hell and managed to sound pretty much like their Sabbath stuff. But here we have the (mostly) original line-up back together (no Bill Ward, instead Rage Against the Machine’s Brad Wilk on drums).

And it’s just okay. Admittedly, there’s a lot of hype, build-up and expectation with this album, and honestly, the only thing it can do is disappoint. And it does. They’re not going to be the same band that made “Paranoid”, but it’s hard not to want them to be. The album mostly sounds like an Ozzy solo outing – which I am not a fan of. I’ve never enjoyed a solo Ozzy. There’s a few good songs, sure, but nothing I’ve ever really enjoyed. I think I’m not a fan of Ozzy in direct proportion to how much I love the first six Sabbath albums.

An Ozzy solo effort usually has a memorable song or two, something really catchy that can stick in your head. “13” is not able to achieve even that. On all eight of the original Sabbath’s albums, the songs are infectious, groovy and heavy – songs that live inside of you after you hear them. Even the bad songs. “13” is sadly generic all the way through. When I saw This is End, one of the tracks from this album played during the credits. I couldn’t tell you which one. I mean, I could look it up, but while listening to it I couldn’t have picked it out.

But that said, it’s heavy. It’s an Ozzy solo album, with Ozzy being Ozzy – but with a better backing band than he has ever had. Iommi may not be able to write the memorable riffs from yesteryear, but he can certainly play the hell out of what he does write. It’s not imaginative or original or memorable, but holy crap it’s done so well. Geezer is a stand-out on this album, playing as hard and as crazy as he always has, and it’s amazing. Together, they are fantastic and really drive everything forward. They are playing and trying as hard as they can. But in the end, 40 years of perception throws up a pretty big brick wall. On the other hand, for a couple dudes in their 60s who hadn’t really played together regularly in decades, it’s pretty good achievement.

By no means is the album bad. It’s actually quite good, but it’s a Black Sabbath venture in name only. Worth a listen if you’re a die-hard Sabbath fan, or even if you’re just interested in the curiosity of it. But buy it used. I imagine there’ll be plenty copies available at second-hand stores in the near future.

142


Trailer Park of Terror. Hoo, boy. With a title like that, I expected something ridiculous and over-the-top with a good sense of humor about itself. I expected tons of gore and comedy. What I got was an overtly serious movie with music video style editing, unlikeable characters – heroes and villains – and villains with zero motivation. Basically, the Redneck Zombie Family from Cabin in the Woods, but with less personality. Every cliche is present and plays out exactly as you think it will. The kills, the creature effects, the plot, all by-the-numbers, unmemorable, unimaginative and illogical. Waste of time.